LIKE MAMA ALWAYS SAID: FACIAL HAIR

like most things in my life, this blog post has sprung from a tweet. 

my girl thisisthebeat innocuously tweeted: “Mom Was Right: Guys With Beards Aren’t Ready To Commit.” i responded in kind saying that my mom would actually say that. and after several of my facial-haired gentlemen followers responded, i decided to cut the speculation and go right to the source. 

so dudes and dudettes, this is what my mother, a sixty-something chinese boss lady, has to say about facial hair, verbatim.

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ON FACIAL HAIR IN GENERAL: “They all add some ages. Look at Fortune 500. Do you see any generally intelligent men with facial hair? Facial hair is kind of weird. It means people are in their mid-life crisis or an identity crisis, and they grow a beard to cover up their insecurities. They don’t want the true face to face it because they are so insecure. They need a beard to cover it up. ”

ON GOATEES: “It reminds me so very much like a dirty old man. But they do it for fun.”

ON FULL BEARDS: “Probably tolerable, since some people have religious preferences.”

ON HANDLEBAR MUSTACHES: “Yes. People have those stupid long mustache, they twist on the end, it’s kind of disgusting.” 

ON 5 O’CLOCK SHADOWS: “5 o’clock shadow is ok because it simply tells you it’s lazy.”

OH, BURN!!!: “I’m not talking about hip hop society. I’m talking about successful society. When are you going to apply to grad school?”

<3 hh